Cannon: (noun) a large gun that shoots heavy metal or stone balls

Canon: (literary) established storyline details that are recognized as truth within a literary universe

Comic books and movies never made good bedfellows. They had a fling in the late 70’s and early 80’s (see Superman), but it didn’t last. Then, in 1989, Tim Burton put Michael Keaton in a rubber suit and magic happened. People bought into “Batman,” and it made a fortune at the box office. Of course, the sequel was inevitable, and this is where the story takes a downward spiral.

Carnies. Militarized penguins. Off-road duck mobiles. These can be forgiven, because they fit in with Burton’s style. Then Hollywood happened, and we got Val Kilmer in “Batman Forever” (ironic name since he only played the role once) and George Clooney and the gang in “Arnold Schwarzen-freezer” which put a nail in the Bat-coffin. Much like the “Superman” movies of the 80’s, slight deviations from core, canon story leads to Richard Pryor and nuclear missile born superclones.

What happened? Hollywood thought they could tell a better story in 1 year of development than DC could tell with 50+ years experience.

But DC is not alone in their hunt to mutilate a fandom. Sam Raimi’s 2002 “Spider-Man” was a box office and commercial success. A great movie! But it veered ever so slightly from its canon by having biological web shooters, and Mary Jane as his love interest.

Some may say “So what? That’s not too bad” and I would agree, but it’s a slippery slope when once you stray from the path of canon. By the third movie, Venom turns Peter into a dork, Green Goblin is a snow-boarding super-friend, and Sandman is just misunderstood (oh yeah, and he shot Uncle Ben.)

Sorry. SPOILERS!

Again, Hollywood thought they could tell a better story than the one the fans had been reading since 1962.

Thank goodness they’re doing it right in the new “Amazing Spider-Man” series.

Wait, Rhino-Bot? Goblin sickness? Dub Step?

Ugh. SAVE US JOSS WHEDON!!

Class dismissed.