OK … all of us females know what the word cellulite means andwe try to avoid the dreaded word at all costs.

Which is probably why I got an e-mail this past week with a newsrelease touting a new medical test that can tell whether a personis a carrier of Nurberger-Muller grade 2 (or greater) cellulite -all for the incredibly low price of $249.

Well if you’re about to whip out your checkbook to order thattest, then I have some ocean front property in Arizona that you’vejust got to see!

Seriously, don’t most women have cellulite of some sort? I don’tcare if they weigh 90 pounds, cellulite is there – somewhere.

The news release also goes on to say that if you test positivefor the Nurberger-Muller cellulite that the information provided toa doctor will enable him/her to develop a plan, “which may includetherapy and/or lifestyle changes that may reduce the risk ofdeveloping moderate to severe cellulite.”

Hello? It’s called exercise and eating habits! And again, ifyou’re looking to order this test, then I know a Nigerian civilservant who has millions of dollars in an account with your name onit and you can get it for just a small transfer fee.

It’s swimsuit season and we all want to look good in thosebathing suits. And let’s face it, some us will do just aboutanything to look good when we head out to the pool or beach.

I thought I’d do a little more research into cellulite. Afterall, I know what it looks like. It has a dimpling appearance andwill show up on your thighs or buttocks.

Wikipedia says it will show up “mainly in women on the pelvicregion, lower limbs, and abdomen and is caused by the herniation ofsubcutaneous fat within fibrous connective tissue, leading to apadded or orange peel-like appearance.” After I read that sentenceall I saw was “mainly in women .. blah blah blah blah blah.”

Men really don’t have to worry about cellulite as it occursmostly in females – 80 to 90 percent of post pubertal females,according to my research. No one really knows where cellulite comesfrom – it just appears. One theory is it has to do something withestrogen, hence why most women have it.

One theory blames wearing tight underwear, which impedes theflow of lymphatic fluid in the hips and thighs. If it were onlythat easy to just go “commando” (without underwear), and eliminatethat cellulite.

Another theory is stress. “A high stress lifestyle will cause anincrease in the level of catecholamines, which have also beenassociated with the evolution of cellulite.” Another reason whywomen are more predisposed to cellulite. More and more women workoutside the home, raise children, command a household and take careof everything in between. If that doesn’t cause a bit of stress -nothing will.

And if that’s the case, then I’ll proudly wear my cellulite as amedal of honor just like all of those gray hairs stress is causingme.

Several lotion and cream manufacturing companies have beenhawking their wares on television and in print ads lately, sayingthey have found a formula that will reduce cellulite. Again, ifyou’re planning on spending your hard-earned dollars for that stuff- I have just started a charity for orphaned sea anemones.

And how was your week?

Lifestyles Editor Tammie Brewer can be reached at The DAILYLEADER at (601) 833-6961 ext. 134, by e-mail attbrewer@dailyleader.com or you can write to her at P.O. Box 551,Brookhaven MS 39602.