Recently I read an article from Time Magazine questioningwhether or not Americans still need the institution of marriage.Shortly after that, our preacher spoke a very eloquent sermondiscussing the biblical aspects of marriage, and why, yes, we doneed marriage. Not just as Americans, but as human beings.

This began a dialogue between my husband and me. Not questioningthe necessity of marriage, I know very well that he is my lifemate, and my best friend.

He and I questioned how something as special as a relationshipthat is blessed in the eyes of God and creates children andfamilies could be called something as cold as an “institution.” Weagreed that a marriage is so much more than that; it should be arelationship – free of expectations of one another, which impartsrules.

An institution implies a structure that can become physicallyunsound and fall into disrepair.

A relationship, which does take constant work, is an alliance, aconnection, and a kinship. It is the willing submission of one’swill to the other’s, and vice versa – in the spirit not of givingthe other person authority over you, but to give one anotherrespect and love.

My husband and I both feel that marriage as intended is arelationship in which both parties want only the best for the otherone, and are willing to make personal sacrifices to help eachperson realize their goals and potential.

We made that decision from the very beginning that we were inthis deal for the long haul – and what an exciting haul it hasbeen! Like all marriages, we’ve had highs and lows – losingparents, raising a family, moving far away from home, etc. Whateverthe situation was, good or bad, it only made us stronger and morereliant upon each other.

So to see couples that we thought were rock solid fall apart hasbeen sometimes surprising and sometimes just sad.

Perhaps the problem that the institution of marriage, andsociety as a whole, is facing is because today’s world is soentrenched in being a consumer society that it has bled over intoother areas of our lives.

We “invest” things (money, time, attention, physical love) intomaterial goods and relationships with the idea that once that item(or relationship) becomes tarnished, damaged, or just not as new asthe next “better” thing, that we will simply discard it and”invest” in the next “better” thing.

Today many Americans are used to having their wants met quickly.If something is not satisfactory, upgrade. If something is broken,replace it.

We buy things with the expectation of a certain return in theform of either utility or benefits promised by its features. Wesimply cannot look at our spouse in the same manner.

Sadly, too many people do just that. Instead of just giving upon relationships, if couples would just look for ways to “reinvest”themselves to one another, maybe more marriages would work.

Just look at the billboards on the interstate advertisingquickie divorces at “low rates.” They are starting to be asplentiful as the billboards hawking low attorney fees for personalinjury.

Divorce has become a big bucks industry – and there is a ton ofprofit being made from it.

Just search “divorce” on the Internet and you will see a hugeselection of sites advertising gifts for the newly divorced. Let’sorder up a “congratulations on your recent divorce” greeting cardand make them feel better.

Good grief.

Hopefully at some point this nation will get back to taking ourrelationships as seriously as we do our personal crutches.

In the modern day of prescribing pills for happiness, we’ve lostsight of the joys of long-term commitment.

Yes, it comes with a cost and takes dedication and effort – butdoesn’t everything worthwhile?

Lifestyles Editor Rachel Brumfield can be reached at The DAILYLEADER at 601-833-6961 ext 134, by e-mail atlifestyles@dailyleader.com or you can write to her at P.O. Box 551,Brookhaven MS 39602.