Hard to be hard of hearing here

Published 10:11am Friday, June 20, 2014

So I’m setting this crock pot full of Hawaiian Chicken down on the dinner table when I pose the family a question: Where do you go if you want to know what’s really happening around town?

I figured it would be easy enough to answer, since they all knew where I’d been that afternoon, but no.

“Grandma’s,” the youngest blurts out in all seriousness, and I suppose I should know better than to toss out a guessing game when supper’s at stake.

We pray and pass the rice while I fill them in, because after an hour and a half at the hair salon, I’m in the know about who’s down at the funeral home, Facebook settings that get turned on without permission, and which over-the-counter conditioner works best. (You’ll have to keep reading if you want that insider information.)

I have to filter my report, though, because there’re some things I shouldn’t be in the know about. That’s why, back at the salon, I tried to bury myself in Architectural Digest for 30 minutes worth of highlight processing.

Even when you try hard, though, it’s hard to be hard of hearing there. So I give them a censored earful, starting with a conversation involving two customers that were huddled around a phone, watching a YouTube yodeler named Emily Sunshine.

“They’re gonna take that baby’s youth from her,” the one on the left commented soberly.

“Always do,” her friend sighed, turning up a diet Coke. “Now watch this part.”

But at least one person in the waiting area had no interest in yodeling and decided to redirect. “You know, I really wish I had stock in bug spray. Have you seen the skeeters this year?”

“Size of a hummingbird,” came the reply from under a dryer.

That’s when two of the stylists launched into an expression of their abiding affection for Barbie, especially Country Western Barbie. (Surprised?) I also learned that the skills of the one with the super doo were practiced at a young age upon these dolls.

“I’d cut their hair, then color what was left with Sharpies,” she confessed. She’s the same stylist who I had earlier overheard counsel a client about a makeover. It went something like this.

“Honey, that will never work with your roots.”

“But there ain’t a man alive who doesn’t love long blonde hair. I really want to dye it.”

“Not dye, Honey. It’s color. Color! But you know you won’t look good like that. Now let me do my job.”

“But …. ”

I’m wrapping up my news report when my husband turns to me and says, “There’s something about this hair business I don’t get.” He’s a guy who thinks the term “resistant grays” is funny, so I prepare for the worst.

“How come,” he asks, pushing back from the table, “you women go to places like Shear Genius and Mane Event while we guys only have Billy’s Barbershop?”

Hmmm. Good question. I try to offer up a couple of possibilities – Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow, Clippity Do Da – but I don’t really think it’s the name that’s bothering him. Probably has more to do with the difference in conversation topics between the two.

That, and not knowing Aussie 3 Minute Miracle is the best over-the-counter conditioner. Good thing I’m here to fill him in.

Wesson resident Kim Henderson is a freelance writer who writes for The Daily Leader. Contact her at kimhenderson319@gmail.com.