Being a wife and bumps in the night

Published 10:06 pm Saturday, November 2, 2013

People have been asking me how I like married life. For the first few weeks, all I could say was, “I wouldn’t know.” My sweet husband had to go back to oilfield work after the honeymoon. I got used to sleeping in a house alone, trying to ignore the little creaks and bumps I would hear in the night.

My two dogs, Yogi and Muzzy, kept me company in the big bed. I pride myself in being tough, so I didn’t tell my husband I was scared for about a week or so. Finally, I gave in and texted him, “I’m scared! Come home!” He assured me there were no extraterrestrials or ghouls hiding in the back rooms. And Daddy even showed me how to operate Jacob’s bedside shotgun. I, for one, am a fan of the Second Amendment. I feel safe with my right to bear arms by my side every night.

My fears may’ve come from watching that Criminal Minds marathon. For some reason, they aired several episodes of villains breaking into people’s homes. I got in the habit of re-checking doors and scanning the screened-in porch each night. I slept with the porch lights shining and my closet light and bedside lamp glowing bright.

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Since then, I’ve not allowed myself to watch criminal shows or scary movies while alone. Even so, I feel safer with my strong husband home. (I am, however, embarrassed to say, I live about six yards from my grandparents’ house … literally, about six yards.)

Now that Jacob is home, I am happy to report that I am enjoying married life. I love taking care of my own house and spending time with my husband and stepdaughter. I love that she doesn’t let me sleep in in the mornings.

The four-year-old sneaks in my bedroom while Jacob is hunting and climbs in bed with me, ready to watch cartoons. She’s a chatterbox, so there’s no going back to sleep.

I love enjoying our screened-in porch, but I don’t love burning cookies and overcooking pasta. But I’m getting the hang of everything – even that darn electric stove. Now that I’m home during the day, I can work on writing music for Clementine, mine and my sister’s country/bluegrass duo.

So, yes, I am liking married life. I don’t like when Jacob leaves for work, but I do like sleeping peacefully without hearing the foghorn all night. And I like having the TV to myself. Last night, I was forced to watch bearded mountain men search for the “wolf man.” This morning, I tried to watch “Four Weddings” and heard a distinct, “No,” coming from the other side of the bed. I think after withstanding the great and over-acted search for a Neanderthal, I should get to watch some TLC.

But you try taking the remote from your husband. It’s like taking his kidney.

He said he was going to help me clean the house today. I will report on whether or not this actually happened in my next column. I’m just happy he kills all the spiders and keeps me safe from the aliens.

You may write to Jessica Boyd-Smith by emailing