In space, Fox can hear fan’s scream

Published 10:20 am Friday, February 27, 2015

Electrical Tape: 1 (noun) a type of pressure-sensitive tape used to insulate electrical wires and other material that conduct electricity. 2 (geek) The fastest way to add an expansion slot to an M41A Pulse Rifle.

Recently, director Neil Blomkamp (District 9, Elysium) was finishing up his latest sci-fi movie, “Chappie,” with show front-runner, Sigourney Weaver, and he just so happened to pitch an idea her way for a new Alien movie. Fox ponied up the funds and green lit the project, and fans of the “Alien” franchise collectively lost their minds!

And why shouldn’t we! Fans of the original 1979 “Alien” and the 1986 sequel “Aliens” have taken some heavy blows on the chin. “Alien 3” came out and immediately alienated (hehe, pun) its fans by killing two fan favorite characters, Newt and Hick, and at the end (SPOILERS) Ripley (Sigourney Weaver, duh) sacrifices her life to kill the last xenomorph queen. Her death made sense and was fitting with the character.

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But Fox decided it liked money, so in 1997 we got “Alien: Resurrection,” a movie that revived Ellen Ripley and her fetal queen alien parasite by cloning. But this had unforeseen consequences that eventually lead to a half human half alien pumpkin headed hybrid and a swift kick to the gut for true fans.

This train wreck tried to kill the franchise, but we fans don’t die easily. No, we fought for our fandom harder than Charles S. Dutton in “Alien 3”, taking blow after blow but never giving up hope.

It seems that our patience has finally been rewarded, as Blomkamp’s new “Alien” movie will disregard the events of “Alien 3” and “Resurrection.”

Yes! The only way to save the franchise is to take off and nuke the entire last two movies from orbit.

It’s the only way to be sure. Class dismissed.